For a while now, I’ve been struggling to get myself writing. I’d scratch my head for creativity, read up on what others were writing with the hope that maybe some inspiration would be rubbed off on me. I was constantly talking myself in to getting back to that place where writing and I were inseparable. But alas, all my attempts were in vain. Days turned in to weeks, weeks in to months and still, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yet on many occasions the thoughts raging through my mind desired that I pen them down, and here I was, failing to find a home for the words, thoughts and everything that stayed bottled up within. And before long, with no explanation, no permission, no nothing, the desire to write slowly begun to burn out. I got to a point where the desire to write burned out. I was no longer looking out for opportunities to write.
My many attempts resulted in to endless drafts, incomplete pieces and some stories which later became too stale to share. And I thought to myself, why bother? I don’t even think it was “writers block” at this point. I guess I faced *writers death” (if that even exists). I almost convinced myself that maybe this season of my life had come to an end and maybe this writing thing was one big myth after all.
What had been a struggle to write turned in to a loathe to write. And strangely, it silently broke my heart. I mean, I live for words. Writing is therapy and a catharsis of some sort so I was having trouble digesting that this part of my life that was slowly fading and I was dying without my knowledge. So I just let life be. I convinced myself that I wouldn’t try to push for something that probably was never mine to keep forever. (One big joke it was, I tell you!)
Yet, little by little, I’d unknowingly find myself stalking people’s blogs, reading a few random posts and silently wishing i’d get my mojo back. Little did I know that this unplanned reading of posts was like little droplets of rain in the dry land, little pools of water in the desert, little ingredients that were helping my withered seeds get life back and slowly begin to blossom. So here I was today, stalking as always and surprisingly, all the posts I landed on like my fave girl and a few other random ones helped me realize that I wasn’t the only one struggling. This gave me a sense of belonging but also reminded me not to just sit there and wallow in self pity as I watch my writing mojo waste away. As I write this, I’m thinking of the famous saying of “don’t wait for perfect moments, create them” . More than ever before, I can’t deny that this phrase holds water. Here I was, waiting for that perfect moment where I’d wake up oozing of creativity and suddenly have my desire to write. Oh bwoy, I was so wrong.
Reading posts of bloggers that have been struggling to write and yet still choose to pen down their thoughts, struggles, lessons and everything in between opened my eyes to the fact that we all struggle. However, only those who confront their struggles are the ones that are able to rise above them and truly conquer. I guess writing this post after close two months of failing to write is in every way a victory party on my end. Let’s celebrate the small achievements, shall we? In other news, today as I scrolled through my notifications, I landed on a WordPress achievement celebrating our existence here for the last three years. Whaaattttt, I hardly knew it’s been that long. Thank you for the love my people. I hope this will somehow motivate me to write more. But first, we shall take baby steps
By the way, did I say happy new year? Well happy new year to you and your loved ones. I sometimes tend to forget that we started a new year. Reason being, I’m one of those who wallowed through 2017 till it came to an end and it was untill then that I remembered to celebrate the little things that carried me through a-not-so-easy year. So while everyone else was celebrating the new year and writing down resolutions for 2018, I was busy coming to terms that last year was not as bad as I thought. I was caught in celebrating the little things that made 2017 count and I fogot that it was a new year until it was February already. So i basically fell in to the year (if i can describe it that way) and the fireworks were long gone, sadly! I guess I’m allowed to state that 2018 officially begun on my end I think last week. See my life! Anyways, we a process life differently, soooo…no pressure. It can still be happy new year even in December, who said the new year wishes must strictly end in January? Meanwhile, I have lost my train of thought in this post, forgive a sister still trying to wrap her head around this blogging life that had slowly become history.
However, I guess I’m really just celebrating life-yes, it’s too short! And sadly we think we have so much time on our hands yet we actually don’t. The death of Uganda’s musical legend sobbered me to awaken to the reality that time is always ticking and you can never really know how much of it you have left. I guess we have to live each day to the fullest as if it were our last. On that note, let’s take a moment of silence in honour of a life lived with a legacy and a journey that unknowingly or knowingly touched the lives of many. Let’s celebrate the life of #LateMowzeyRadio…Rest in Peace, I hope the angels will dance to your beats. Your music will forever play in our hearts. May God comfort your loved ones and all the bereaved.
So yes, this post is just composition of words and a bit of pictures (hence the title scribbles and visuals) nothing fancy but a close attempt toward creativity haha. I guess it can also suffice as part two of Memories and tidings seeing as the intended post became a little too stale to share. Anyway, in writing this, I hope the dry bones within will come alive, I hope that words will start to give meaning to many unsaid thoughts & stories that have for long been imprisoned. I hope that these can serve as little droplets that water the “writing plant” till it slowly starts to grow and maybe, writing can become life again. Maybe, its on my forever keeps-list-of-items, who knows?Nonetheless, I think that what has been deposited in us never really goes away, its always there. Even in moments when it’s lying dormantly. It is until we start to look within, until we start to slowly dig deep, until we start to water & nurture the seeds of greatness that lie underneath the surface that we realize the blessings we harbour on the inside. I think we just tend to focus on other things that we lose sight of the those that truly matter. And then one day, we take just once glance at what once was our focus and boom, it’s brought back to life. Just like that! Nothing complicated really, nothing too serious and before we know it, we’re back on our feet, walking until we can finally gain stability to run our race. I hope that this will be the start of may other posts to come, the birth of many untold stories, the discovery of the greatness that remains untapped within and the journey of growth, learning and then hopefully teaching others.
In other random news, I’m not really the kind that makes resolutions because truth be told, half way through the year, in fact quarter way, I find that I have totally forgotten what I resolved to achieve. This gets disheartening along the way and i find myseld struggling to keep. Nonetheless, I have decided, starting with 2018, my years will be marked out with just a word, phrase or something like that. Hopefully this will somehow set the pace for things I need to focus on in the year and guide me on things I need to achieve or seasons i ought to learn from. For this year, it’s “Self love”. I haven’t really gotten the nitty grittys of what is entailed in this but I’ll keep you posted. That’s definitely a story for another day. Until then, thank you for reading thus far. And yay, a little tap on my back for getting myself to finally write after centuries of failed attempts. Also happy third birthday to our blog. My wish on this your special day is that I will write more often so that age is not just a number to you but a revelation of the quality you have lived. So let’s make a toast, to more writing and more achievements. Happy blogversary. Special shouts out to you my readers, you are cherished. And to my dearest muse Lisa, this post is in many ways dedicated to you as a token of thanks for encouraging me to take little steps.