Lately, writing has been a major struggle. Well, isn’t that always the case? because I think it is in my world. It’s pretty interesting how I easily let procrastination, laziness and every other thing that comes with writer’s block take permanent residence in my life.I guess the human in me is of course inclined to choosing the easier way out than taking the high road. This explains why when I’m not in the mood for this writing business, I simply swallow my chill pill and take a seat.
Meanwhile I wish I could boast that I have always been a writer or started reading at a tender age. Truth is, all that is gibberish on my end. The reason is simple, I think my writing side is one that was birthed by environment. You know how every one around you believes you’re a writer or they think you are gifted with words ,then you have to some how try to live up to that (story of my life). Well, because it comes with expectations.
The reason for this post is to really just share my journey in this writing world through random confessions. I hope you are doing great and April is treating you good. So, let’s see…..I think I started writing in high school. Nothing fancy though and no I was never part of the writer’s club if you have that thought in your mind. Of course I was part of debate club and I was assistant speech prefect at some point, which I strongly believe were entirely possible because of Papa God’s abundant favour upon me.
I digress a bit (apologies), anyways, for some strange reason I always kept a journal or notebook. I also had a thing for stocking cute note books, of, the minute I’d walk in to a super market, I’d dash straight to the section with cute note books (The reason I usually window shop in New day, Aristoc, Book point and our ordinary Mega-Standard supermarket).
Also,some how whenever some one in my high school class needed to have a sweet birthday message written for them or an article of any sort, I was usually one of the go-to people (no bragging by the way). I some times helped my friends write mail with cute lovey dovey words (haha). Did I mention that I was always a culprit for writing chits or mail during prep instead of reading. In A-level, I once got called to the staff room by some teacher who was well known for giving the hottest random slaps. Apparently, one of my friends had been caught reading a chit written by me during his geography class. Luckily, he knew me as the good-kinda-student so he just said “stop writing chits and focus on reading your books” and friends, that is how I survived receiving one of his hot slaps (I am dearly loved by God like that).
Truth is, I can’t quite place a finger on the exact point of genesis for this my writing. As speech prefect, I had to gather,compile and write the news on campus.Some thing I am realising over the years had a bit of a role to play in shaping my writing. Aside from that, these blog things had always just been a myth in my world. I was constantly telling myself “you have to be good enough to start a blog”. A perspective that changed until recently in 2015. I had to start a blog because at campus, one of my course units (Digital On line Communication) required that you had one since it was part of the course work assignments. Oh by the way, I pursued a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and ended up majoring in Journalism although this was never in my plans. All my life, I had wanted to become a lawyer (that’s a story for another day).
Where were we? (hides face)…….yes, doing Digital On line Communication was the turning point. It was like a prayer God answered even when I didn’t know it was present in my heart. I guess it’s true what they say, God grants us the desires of our hearts. Please note, these may have nothing to do with the things we want, but are those desires quietly sitted in our Hearts because God puts them there. He later funs them in to flame and viola, before you know it, your eyes are opened to the fact that Oh I always had it in me.
Back to something I mentioned in the beginning of how my writing was majorly birthed by the fact that people around me saw a writer in me that I personally had not yet even met (still on that journey, taking little steps of Faith). Recently, during a conversation I had with a friend (my happy person), as I was busy ranting to her how I am not sure if writing is my thing and how lately it has been a major struggle. She just said to me “my dear, you are a writer. Whether you feel like it or not, whether you see it or not. One thing is for sure, you are gifted with words.” I remember silently, whispering to myself AM I? I also can’t forget the words of a very close friend (my princess D-dearest) when she said to me earlier this year “You did not miss your calling one bit. You do write and you write your heart.” some thing that keeps me going.
I usually find myself apologising to my friends for my essay long texts on Whatsap and captions on Instagram. I just tend to find myself writing endlessly that I some times have to actually tell myself to stop. I once sent a friend of mine a very long text on her birthday (I think I do this a lot) and while I was asking her to bare with my long messages, she just said to me “ It’s okay. You are a writer literally and you write your heart.” Such statements not only keep me going but serve as clarity from God on many levels.
Truth is, I may not be a born writer or may be I am, but regardless, I know for sure that while other people can’t easily get through writing a sentence or paragraph of words, I can (I don’t boast). This however is something that drives me to keep writing because I guess I believe in the saying “there’s no smoke with out fire.” So all this smoke that comes in form of compliments from friends, assurance from the things around me, clarity from God and the ability to keep writing even when it tends to be a struggle, shows me that may be there could be A FIRE of some sort on the inside of me. One that only God can fun in to flame till it blossoms in to not just a passion but rather, my purpose here on earth.
So whether I feel like writing or not, whether I don’t always feel good enough and yes, some times tend to focus on my insignificance, whether I don’t have the best grammatical words (which can be improved by reading) and whether all these negative voices within me usually taunt me……I choose to keep taking those little steps of Faith to keep writing. And truth is, some days it’s hard or close to impossible but the reason that keeps me going is because of the people around me that believe in me. Of course it is rare that we naturally believe in our selves but some times, if not always, God surrounds us with people who believe in us to help us realise that gift that we actually have and may not even know.
I choose to let go of the inadequacies that present themselves in loud screams of “may be’s” and focus on the silent whispers of the “what if’s” . Honestly, I may be here allowing myself to be weighed down by all these struggles as I constantly convince myself that I am not a Writer….but what if I am?. The only way I can truly ever know, is by not just stopping at seeking God’s opinion on this, but rather, by writing with every chance I get.
Lately, I live by the saying….WHAT IS MEANT TO BE WILL STICK AND WHAT IS NOT, WILL EVENTUALLY FADE AWAY!!!
I guess there is never any harm in trying. So I choose to keep in this writing community, well of course, until it fades away (which I highly doubt will happen). I also know that it might get hard or actually will, but, truth be told, the best things don’t come easy. So I’m going to write, write, write, and write some more until I can write no more.
I am all about this writing life and these are my honest confessions that I hope and pray will some day turn in to a glorious testimony. What are your confessions? #LIFE AS A WRITER…..feel free to share like I just did. Thank you very much for reading this, You are the reason I keep writing!!!